Building A Support Team: The Right Support is Key

100 % of birthing people need a support system

Even if this is the only time in your life you accept help, DO IT! 

It doesn't matter if your tribe is big or small, it is the Quality of support that matters.

Rules to follow:  

  1.  You are the expert.​​ Know your strengths.

  2.  Accept you can't do it all.

  3.  Know the strengths of those around you and shamelessly exploit those strengths! 

  4.  Never assume others will know what you need.​​​

  5. Self-Care is not selfish it is essential to your wellbeing.

7-Steps to a Rock Solid Support Plan

 

Plan for Sleep.

The human body needs a minimum of 6 hours of consecutive sleep per night to minimally function. Let that sink in for a second. It is laughable to expect any new parent to minimally function during the first few months after birth.

Let go of any expectations you or your support system has that you can function as you did prior to giving birth. A new baby is a whole new level of exhaustion.

Feeding the baby and your sleep should be your TOP priorities. Everything else (other than going to the bathroom or showering) are things that you support system can and SHOULD be doing as you recover.

Check out these tips on how to maximize your sleep:

  • Slow yourself down as you prepare to go to bed or take a nap by establishing a routine.

  • Engage in some self care right before sleep. This could be a warm bath, a cup of tea, or reading something enjoyable.

  • Write down any worries or make your list for the next day a few hours before sleep. This can help you let it go until the next day.

  • Don’t stay in bed tossing and turning for longer than 20 minutes. Get up, do something boring - like sitting in the dark in another room, fold some laundry, or read for a few minutes to help your body get back to a relaxed state, and try again.

 

Know you Feeding Resources.

If you are planning on breast feeding it is essential you know who to go to for support. If you have a friend or family member that is experiences that is wonderful, but don’t forget professional supports that are available to you.

Organizations like Women Infant’s and Children (WIC) and Le Leche League provide support for breastfeeding women. Postpartum doulas and midwives are also a great resource. Hospitals usually have resources for breast feeding women, so ask for their resource list before you leave the hospital.

Take advantage of the lactation consultant in the hospital. They can give you guidance to get you off to a good start.

If you plan to feed from a bottle (breast milk or formula) get help from your support team to take on 1-2 feedings per day to help maximize your ability to rest.

Plan What Not to Do.

This may be a hard concept, particularly if you are used to doing it all. This is the one time in your life you need to give yourself permission to let some things go. Or at least, you aren’t the one responsible for doing them.

The things that you cannot take off the to-do list first see what your support system can do. Here are some suggestions:

  • Ask for things that will help you during recovery at your baby shower.

    • A month of grocery delivery service. (Walmart and Insta-cart are good options)

    • Have a meal-train sign up ready to go.

    • Eco-friendly compostable plates, bowels and silverware.

    • As a fun activity, make lactation cookies to eat later. (These are not clinically proven but can’t hurt)

    • Another fun activity, only moms can appreciate are peri-pads or pad-cycles. (Just make sure you have the freezer space)

  • Create a weekly check-off list for visitors. Consider it a admission fee — one chore gains entry. Include things that can help you out around the house like folding or changing out laundry, emptying or filling the dishwasher, vacuuming the main living space, even cleaning the toilet or shower.

 

Talk About It.

Becoming a parent, whether for the first for the fifth time is really hard work. It is ok to let people know when it sucks. You can be be an amazing mom and still dread cleaning up another poop explosion or need a break from the constant crying.

Here are some tips:

  • Plan ahead of time who you can talk to when things are hard.

    • If you don’t have a trustworthy person in your life, check out a warmline, support groups or new mom groups. Our RESOURCES page is a good place to start

  • Try to have different people to talk to at different times of the day. You never know when you will need to let out some feelings.

  • Self-monitor. While it is ok for things to be hard in the beginning they should not be so hard that you are unable to enjoy this time. If your emotions are more often than not, more days than not sad, anxious, irritable, angry or depressed reach out to your healthcare provider.

 

Sibling Adjustment

Just like you, older children will experience a time of transition following the birth of a baby. Planning for their needs will ease their transition and help reduce your stress. Children of different ages will react differently to a new baby.

Knowing what to expect from each age group will make it easier to handle the changes in your family. Check out Healthy Children for more information.

Keep in mind, it is hard to satisfy the needs of both children all the time - especially on your own. Look to your partner, other relatives, and friends for support and an extra set of arms.

 

Renew and Recharge

Self-Care is Prevention

You can't pour from an empty cup

Family time is priceless AND parents need time to continue their own interests AND nurture their relationship as a couple. With a new baby, these things do not always happen easily or spontaneously. 

What is self care?

  • Something you enjoy

  • Fills you emotionally

  • Restores energy

  • Does not feel like a chore

  • Does not have to take a lot of time

  • Does take practice

  • Means making yourself a priority

  • Can mean getting support

Check out our Go Deep section for Self Care tips.

Many parents find that time for “me” and “us” helps them to be more loving and better bonded with their baby, and as a family unit. We know it is hard, but it is important to find time for both yourself and your partner.

Most importantly, know it is ok to say NO. No, you don’t want visitors. No, you don’t want sex. No, I can’t get to that today. Sometime recharging means just not adding anything to your already full plate.

 

The New “Normal”

Achieving a new “normal” is the final stage in the postpartum support journey. It is ok to still need support during this time. Hopefully you have come to value the village you have built around you and know you can lean in whenever you need a helping hand.

We reject that there is any perfect sense of normalcy to be achieved. Rather seek to find a balance in your life were your perceive you are on the right track (empowered, confident, capable) and have gratitude for the journey you have just begun.

This can also look like another transition from tending to your postpartum recovery and bonding with you new baby to returning to work or other obligations that you are now ready to tackle.